Our First Married Nonthanksgiving

The report comes to you from the first month of married life, but is such an important topic that I wanted to give it the full attention of its own post.

Last year, before we were engaged (we didn't have a single holiday season as an engaged couple), my ex-boyfriend-now-husband and I decided we were sick of being told Thanksgiving is a holiday. For other people, it is a holiday, and it's great for my mom that she thinks it is the best holiday all year. But it's not our style, for a list of reasons as long as my arm.

For the many years I spent being forced to participate in Thanksgiving, I resented my family and hated the holiday. Steve didn't resent it as much, but wasn't a fan. Last year we decided we'd spend the whole day at home, alone, and cook lasagna. This was instigated by my mother finally freeing me of my obligation to spend Thanksgiving with family (due to events the year before, which shall go unaccounted).

It was great. As soon as I wasn't being forced to partake in the traditions that mean nothing to me, I stopped dreading November and hating the beginning of the holidays. That first Nonthanksgiving was probably the reason I was even willing to set our wedding date in November. It also gave me the strength to say, "Hey, guess what? This is what we are always going to do, for as long as it keeps working for us."

A huge weight had been lifted. Our baby family has its first holiday tradition that is all ours: Lasagna for Nonthanksgiving. That's what we did this year, too -- Our First Married Nonthanksgiving. Before we made lasagna, we took the dog for a hike. We saw five deer, who appeared to be celebrating a Nonthanksgiving of their own. Truly a lovely afternoon. I hope to duplicate it next year.

The best thing is that I don't have to waste energy on hating Thanksgiving any more. No one can make me celebrate it. I have the security of a husband and of our own tradition, and I wish for us this scale of success on every holiday project.

Married Life: On Month 1

The actual wedding took place on 12 November, but we're leaving for our cruise honeymoon on Friday, so there's no chance of blogging on the day of the one month wedding anniversary.

It's really too bad that I wasn't able to blog more during the two months directly before and after the wedding, but a wedding is completely exhausting and I really didn't have much energy for anything other than remembering to brush my teeth before falling asleep. The whole thing is a bit of a happy blur. I like it that way (blurred, I mean). It means I won't remember the specific things that went wrong. (It's true that tiny things go wrong on important days; don't kid yourself on this point.)

So what has married life been like so far?

1.) Our relationship, home, and ways of living are exactly the same as they were before. This is good; it indicates that we were open and honest about our expectations for married life and that our habits were pretty close to our ideal before getting married.

2.) A lot of people suddenly want to know when I'm going to start popping out babies. Some of the time this question bothers me and some of the time it doesn't. It all depends on who is asking, what the context is, and what other possible topics of conversation are on the table. I have a supervisor at the main place I volunteer who is trying to get pregnant. Discussing my/our plans with her seems relevant to our workplace friendship. Discussing my/our plans with the apartment maintenance guy does not. My MIL wrote a note about wanting to see "the products of your love;" that was totally inappropriate, if you ask me, and she's more likely to end up with a sex tape than with a grandchild.

3.) We're married, but our cat is still a bastard.

4.) I thought I had made a lot of noise about keeping my name, but apparently I haven't made enough. I'm trying to stay amused when people call me "Amy I." I figure the mistake will happen for the rest of my life and I need to not let the anger burn constantly.